Acting As If

It’s Thursday afternoon. I spend the day dragging myself out of the house after a bout with norovirus: the stomach bug.

My husband has it now. He’s out for another 24 hours, at least.

So here I am: half alive with two healthy, happy kids.

I complete a session and walk into the other room where Ellery and William are sitting on the couch next to their sick dad, and I notice thoughts coming up.

Now: a few months ago, I probably would have started reacting and not realizing I was having thoughts. That’s part of the beauty of being a CBT therapist, you (un)fortunately start to accidentally digest some of the therapy you’re giving to others.

So yes onto to the thoughts

Let’s observe shall we?

“Fuck, the kids are sick. They are as good as sick. They are going to get sick”

“I might as well stay home and wait for the inevitable to happen”

“They are going to start barfing and then I will have to stay home for another two days, cleaning everything up. Which bathrooms should they use? What if I get sick again? I should rest in case they get sick. We should just stay home. What if they get sick in the middle of the restaurant and start barfing everywhere? What if they barf in their carseats? What if what if what if…”

HOLD ON VICTORIA: You are WORRYING

Now, when I start worrying and jumping to conclusions, I ask myself: “Am I acting as if?”

Acting as if is acting as if the worst thing has already occurred.

It’s acting as if the kids are sick, when in fact, they are not.

If the kids were sick, we’d stay home, sip water, try to have a popsicle, keep them hydrated, and let them watch TV.

But…they aren’t sick. In fact, they are fine. Could they become sick? Sure. But right now, at this moment, they are not sick. And if I act as if they are sick, I will continue to fall into that trap.

In some ways, this might be how manifesting works. Manifesting what you want in life is about spelling out and naming outcomes and knowing you will move towards them.

Let’s take this evening as an example.

Manifesting Fear (Acting As If)

“Tonight is going to be boring and the kids are going to be terrible because they will be on their phones”

Thoughts: Kids are sick, need to protect them, need to stay home and stay inactive

Feelings: anxiety, feeling the need to check on them, asking them how they feel

Sensations: I feel sweaty and nervous, pacing around the house

Outcome: well, probably not great. Does this sound like a fun evening to you?

So what did I do instead?

Realized I was having negative thoughts that were moving me towards an outcome I did not want (but was expecting)

Captured the negative thoughts and put them in context of “as if” style of thinking.

Then? Move through the fear.

Thoughts turn into: The kids are not sick. They are actually great. We could have a good night, part of this is in my power.

Feelings turn into: excitement and pride- I can do this, I can be a better mom.

Sensations: no negative ones!

Outcome: Set boundaries on screen time. Problem-solved where to eat dinner and compromised on getting ice cream after. Walked on a beach. Had delicious ice cream. Laughed as Ellery threw massive rocks into the water. Promised the kids to take them back on the weekend with their bathing suits.

Acting as if takes the joy out of living. Ground yourself. Look at the reality of what is happening, right now, in front of you. Are you living a nightmare that has not even occurred? Are you living “as if”?